The things I didn't know (or refused to realize)

The first month and a half of being a mommy has been full of revelations of what I just didn't know. Or, as I mentioned, absolutely refused to recognize or contemplate how they would affect my life. I've taken care of plenty of babies, but I've never done it as a parent... and if you're anything other than a parent, you get to hand the child off when it's too much! Some of these I heard about but refused to acknowledge. Some of these I just didn't know. Some of these I couldn't have known until I'd gone through it myself.

1. Lack of sleep! I know people tell you as you're preparing to welcome the baby into your life how exhausted you will be and how much you will have to get up at night, but this is one I just didn't make the connection to my own life. I actually refused to make that connection. At the end of pregnancy, I wanted to be human again so much, I didn't want to hear that anything would be worse after I gave birth (I slept pretty well all through my pregnancy). But I learned my lesson. Just don't plan on doing anything for the first week! At first we were waking up every two hours to feed him. Rod tried to help by waking up with him whenever he didn't need to be fed, but still, EVERY TWO HOURS! I just was not getting the sleep I was used to. I am a person who usually needs a lot of sleep.... I have learned to live without it some days, even though my body often complains. There was one night I particularly remember at first where I had been up several times in the past nights and I hadn't gotten naps in for a couple of days and I was so tired. Rod put him to sleep so I could get some extra sleep, but for that first feeding, I couldn't even drag myself out of bed, I was so tired, I was cranky and weepy. I was also dozing while nursing--not so good when that puts you at risk for dropping the baby as you drop off! Rod helped me stay awake and keep from crying by pretending to play piano on my legs-it tickled and he was so comical I could smile through the almost unbearable exhaustion. Morale of the story, take those naps! I also remember as we hit the end of the first week, he fell into a routine that was predictable. My body got used to that and began to make the most of the time between nighttime feedings, even if I was still getting up every couple of hours. Unfortunately, right as my body began to make the most of that routine, he changed the routine... There is just not enough sleep to go around that first week. And after that, you still need regular naps, I'm still taking at least a couple a week to help, although he's getting closer to sleeping through the night now.
2. How sore you are! I was sore for at least the first week. I knew people often carried a donut pillow for the first week or so, but I didn't realize just how sore you really are. I think I couldn't have known this till I went through it,  but I also just wanted to be a normal human again so badly it didn't fully connect. For the first couple of days, I was walking bow legged everywhere. After I got home, I couldn't comfortably sit on anything harder than my couch--even my bed was too hard! And standing for long enough to take a shower would make me ache so bad I'd be walking bow legged again until I could rest. Fortunately, even though that first week seems really long, the pain goes down considerably after that, so by two weeks you're doing pretty good, if you don't overdo it. Although, my body's still not completely back to normal, it reminds me of this every now and then. I am back to normal activities, but not at quite the same pace as before, yet.
3. Every trip is a production! I just plain didn't know this one. Every time you decide to walk out that door with baby in tow, it's a full scale production. You need the diaper bag, you need to put the baby in the carseat, then you need to carry the baby and carseat to the car and put them in.  You want to make sure that the car temperature isn't too extreme. And there's feeding. If you're gone for more than a few minutes, you'll need to stop at some point and get a feeding in. And if he's fussy, well, that may sidetrack your whole trip for a while. There is no such thing as a quick trip to the grocery store anymore!
4. Lots of laundry! If I'd thought about it, I probably would have realized this. But not only do you have the added laundry of baby, but you also have the extra outfits he goes through when he has a blowout, or spits up, and you have the extra outfits you go through when he does these things on you!
5. How much you love this child. There is no way to understand how much love you have for the new child until you go through it yourself. I was amazed to find within the first couple of weeks feeling like my love had doubled instantly. I love my husband as much as ever, if not more, but I have equal love for my son. I love him so much. I have times where there are guests over holding the baby and I have to restrain  myself from demanding to have him back because I love him so much and just want to hold him. I kiss his cheeks all the time, something I'm sure he won't stand for in a few months from now. I just love this baby SO MUCH!
6. How much joy he brings. There is nothing so exciting as seeing your baby look at you and smile. It never fails to put a smile on my face. There was one morning where I was feeling particularly stressed and down and when I went to get my crying baby out of the crib, he smiled at me and suddenly everything felt better. It was just such a joy to hold him and see him happy. He doesn't do much and he already brings so much joy to our family. He also has really good comedic timing, even if he can't communicate. One time we were looking at his feet and observing how he has hairy toes, which he must have gotten from his mother, and he started crying. It was so funny, and we were laughing as we reassured him that he would be ok having hairy toes. Most people wouldn't even notice!

There is a lot of truth behind the joys of a sleeping child!

What a challenge and what a blessing it is to have a child. It is so challenging, and trying and stressful sometimes. But it is so exciting and joyful at others. It is one of the best paying jobs but you don't understand how good the pay is until you start the job and stick to it for a few weeks. I love being a mom!

The importance of history

So, I've often wondered how to explain that history is important. I have never heard a good explanation for convincing those who are determined to get it out of our school systems. I just know that I feel like it is very important that we don't lose this aspect of our education. I feel like a good, educated person does need to know their history. The only argument I've ever heard of for history is the quote, "those who don't know their history are doomed to repeat it." And I can't even tell you who said that.
  Well, being a mother has given me a new perspective on the importance of history. I often spend a good portion of my day alone with my thoughts, which gives me some time to think about things as I am puttering around the house. I have often found myself thinking about how to take care of Jace and solving the little problems we encounter--lately that's been helping him get naps during the day. History has helped me put things in perspective. Only recently was it so easy to get laundry done. I admit, it's still time consuming, but certainly not in the way that it once was. Cooking is also a breeze now, compared to what it once was. Having done reenacting, I know that you often start dinner first thing in the morning, and bread for the next day was set to rise overnight. Pretty much you were constantly cooking for the next meal, when you weren't cleaning up after the one you just had.  So how did those parents raise new children? I figure, they probably didn't have quite so much time on their hands to spend just devoted to caring for the children. They certainly couldn't have been as spoiled as children are now. The ease of life now also explains the rise of hover-parents.There isn't quite as much to do now as there once was. So, I guess what this train of thought boils down to is, it's ok if I don't have the baby constantly at my side. It's ok if he cries for a minute while I finish getting ready for the day and then pull out the meatballs from the oven. He'll survive, and I'll still be taking care of him as much as he needs.
  Of course, there is the argument that less attention to children, as happened then, would explain why so many children didn't make it to adulthood. But I figure with the ease of life today, we can strike a balance. I can tend to Jace when he needs it, but it's ok if I'm not constantly responding to every whine. I'll make sure he has the love and care that he needs, and things will get done around the house too. But if sometimes they don't get done because Jace needs more attention, it's ok too.

Finally a mama!!!

Here's a post for the funny moments we'd forget if we didn't record them.  Early this morning, Jace was falling asleep while feeding, so between sides, I changed his diaper to wake him up some so he could finish eating. Turned out he had a blow out. So I changed his onsie too. As the changing was going on, he was getting crankier and crankier, trying to suck on everything, because he just wasn't finished yet, Mom! So as my hand passed by his face, he grabbed onto it and stuck a knuckle in his mouth and began sucking really hard! it was so funny!

Later, Rod and I were talking about how cute he is and how much Jace looks like Rod. Well, Jace was sleeping and just then he made a snoring sound just like I do as I'm waking up or disturbed in my sleep. I suppose Jace won't quite be a spitting image!
 Jace has a knack for comedic timing. Yesterday I was massaging lotion into his feet (you wouldn't believe how dry little baby hands and feet get! It's like they're molting!) and I noticed that he has little hairs on his toes. Now imagine, a little baby's toes having even littler, tinier hairs on them.  Well, I was looking at this and then comparing them to Rod's feet and my feet. I have hairs on my toes so we concluded he'd picked that trait up from me. I informed Jace of this and he let out a whimper. I burst out laughing so hard I started crying. I tried to comfort him that it wouldn't ruin his life I'd lived just fine with hair on my toes and most people didn't even know about it! About then he started crying....  If he'd been a bit older, this episode might have been insulting.
  There is no denying that Jace is a little boy... I can't count the number of times Rod has passed gas and Jace has followed suit. Once I swear he was attempting a Donald Duck impression, but maybe that was only funny because it was 2 am... The first day Rod went to work after Jace was born, Rod came home just as I was changing Jace's diaper. Rod came up behind me to hug me while I was struggling to open a new bag of diapers. Apparently this was detracting from Jace too much, or we were taking too long, because Jace decided to give daddy his own welcome home, by peeing all over the changing table and us! It wasn't the first time, nor was it the last time for this to happen!
  Yesterday, Jace was awake and just hanging out with Rod and I. I was playing with his feet, and Jace was getting frustrated. He pulled his feet out of my grasp and kicked right at my face, nearly putting his toes up my nose. I got the message... He has a mighty kick, and his aim is getting pretty good too!
  I think Jace's humor right now consists of comedic timing and slapstick humor for the most part, because there's not much to laugh about when it comes to eating or sleeping...

The grand debut!

Jace is finally here! What a pleasure it is to have him. Although the process of getting him here was tiring...
  We were overdue by almost a week when the nerve in my right leg started giving out on me regularly. He must have been sitting right on the nerve, because every now and then, I would completely loose control of my right leg and it would collapse under me. Considering the fact that falling in general is inadvisable in very pregnant women, this was very scary. I decided it was time to be induced. The next day I had an appointment for a non-stress test, which if it showed that the baby needed to be born, would result in being induced. Oh, how I hoped that it would result in that! If it didn't I wasn't sure how soon I would be able to schedule being induced.
  Well, we went in for the test, and the amniotic fluid levels were low. There was concern that if the levels were too low, then Jace would start pinching his umbilical cord and that would be dangerous. So they decided it would be best to induce. At the time, I was actually having contractions, so they said that it would not quite be inducing so much as augmenting what was already going on helping my body progress. I was so happy, I was dancing in my chair! I couldn't wait! Finally, I would not be leaving the hospital until the baby arrived. Hopefully that wouldn't take too long...
   Well, they finally got us in a room and all hooked up to monitors and an IV, so I was constrained to the bed from that point on, unless I needed to use the bathroom. It was still almost two hours before they even started inducing... The doctor was late in arriving. I was so grateful to have Rod there. This was the first time I'd ever been a patient in a hospital, and it was all a little foreign and intimidating to me. I was glad Rod was there, who's been in hospitals before. It didn't phase him, he was quite comfortable in this environment, which made me more comfortable.
  Finally I was induced, and the contractions began in earnest. At first, I could bear them without too much difficulty. Then they got more and more painful. I always expected when I actually went into labor, that the contractions would be distinct and I would experience pain but then it would be over until the next one. That wasn't what I got. Instead, I knew I was having a contraction because it was increasingly more painful suddenly, and I knew the contraction was over when I felt like I could maybe bear the pain again. I had brought items to distract me, but when the time came, the distractions were just annoying and didn't help. Instead Rod spent a lot of this time holding me as I knelt and rocked on the bed trying to get through. Happily, a nurse came in when things were really bad and offered some narcotic to relieve the pain. She said it may make me a little drowsy... she was understating it. I was already tired, and then almost as soon as she administered the narcotic, I found myself stumbling into bed so I could fall asleep. That was probably one of the most peaceful moments of labor, sleeping. Rod says that every time I got a contraction while sleeping, one of my eyes would open. Apparently it was kinda creepy...
  I woke up again as that wore off, and I hadn't yet made it to 4 centimeters. Again Rod and I were just trying to get through the pain, waiting until we had progressed enough so I could get an epidural. Before I went into labor, I wasn't sure if I wanted it, but the pain had converted me, I wanted it as soon as I could get it. During this time, I think the woman next door was trying to go through natural birth, because I could hear her screaming through the wall. I really wished someone would make her shut up, because it was not making it any easier for me to get through.... I begged another nurse for some pain relief, and when the nurse came in, she offered the epidural. I didn't realize I could get it so soon, I still was about 3 centimeters. But apparently since they were inducing, they were controlling the contractions and I could get it sooner. They weren't worried about the contractions stopping if they gave me an epidural. Happy day!
  Honestly, I don't like the numb feeling. I still didn't like it when I got the epidural, but it was preferable to the pain, so I put up with it. Shortly after that, my water broke and we found I was at 4 centimeters. Induced at 1 pm, at 4 centimeters around 4. Now we were going. Rod and I passed the time watching the Olympics, our only chance to watch it this year, without tv... We were 6 centimeters at 6, 8 centimeters at 8, 9 centimeters around 10, and then at 10:15, we hit 10 centimeters. I had hoped we would have the baby on the 30th, and also that we would have it not in the middle of the night, because that just sounded exhausting... I didn't get my wishes there...
  Instead, I took naps while watching the Olympics. It was during one of these that I got what you might call cold feet. I was waking up from a nap as a nurse came in the room to check on me and make sure everything was ready for baby's arrival. I figured she also wanted to see if I was fully dilated yet, so I pretended to stay asleep so she wouldn't disturb me. I was nervous, now that it was here, I wasn't sure I was ready to be a mother, to take on the responsibility of taking care of a newborn child! Rod tried to gently wake me up and I knew my game was up. At the time I wasn't fully dilated, so I had a little more time before Jace actually arrived. I was glad.
  But, once I was fully dilated, I was ready to go. The doctor checked and said she wanted me to rest for an hour, to help the baby descend with gravity so the pushing would be easier. The doctor was surprised how quickly my body progressed, I almost did make it to have him born on the 30th. I was eager to start pushing, although I was numb from the epidural, so I couldn't feel the urge to push. Around 11:15, the nurse came back and we began pushing.
  I had been nervous about getting the epidural because I wanted to make sure I could push properly and effectively, which I wouldn't be able to feel how to do it when I was numb. Fortunately, I figured it out quickly enough that after a couple of pushes, Rod could already begin to see his head. Jace had a head full of dark hair! Unfortunately, not eating for most of the day made me very nauseous and I was having difficulty pushing because I was so nauseous. I ended up throwing up and still unable to push very well, until they gave me an oxygen mask. The throwing up made Jace's heartbeat decrease for about ten minutes, which really worried the doctor... who was called in late so she couldn't do anything about it. She was also irritated about being called in late because I tore before she got there and she couldn't prevent it...  But, after pushing for a little over an hour, Jace was born at 12:22 am on the 31st. For those of you who think of it, yes, Jace does have the same birthday as Harry Potter. I wonder if he'll find that cool someday, or if it'll just be appreciated by his parent's generation.
  Finally, my beautiful, goodnatured little package has arrived. He was born at 7 pounds 3 ounces and 20 inches long. We were both surprised to hear how long he was... Not sure where he got those tall genes. But now we've gifted the world with a future Mr. Tall Dark and Handsome. :)

Already so modest!

We made it!

Rod is such a proud papa!

First family photo. I know, you can't tell I've been in labor for the  past several hours... :)

Getting his first bath.

Sleeping, well, like a baby!

T minus 3 days!

  The due date is a mere three days away. Still getting fun contractions, though not quite as fun as they have been. Last week was a roller coaster of a lifetime with all of the contractions I was getting, but I will get into that later. We had a doctor's visit today, and with there being very little dilation going on, we may be looking at going overdue. Sad, but definitely not uncommon. So, current plan of attack- we'll see what this week brings, and if I'm still carrying Jace for next week's appointment we'll see how much I've dilated and discuss inducing options. The doctor doesn't want me to go over 7 days, apparently the risk of still birth increases after 7 days overdue. The thing about inducing is that if I'm not dilating myself, inducing could just mean a very long labor that ends in a c-section. So we will have to see what the next week brings. Best option- Jace figures he's ready to come out and starts labor on his own before we get to the next appointment. I know in my family, babies tend to be overdue, but I have so been hoping that Jace would at least come very close to his due date, instead of hanging around for a couple of extra weeks.
  Because I have been so intent on wanting Jace to come close to his due date, (even a little early!) I think it has caused us a lot of undue stress in this household. I've been so fixated on wanting Jace to arrive, I've had difficulty enjoying the time that is left. I suspect that the extra stress was a factor in there being so many contractions last week. It all culminated Sunday morning when I got up from my chair at breakfast and I had a wet spot on my chair. My water broke? I didn't want to think my water had broken, but I couldn't think of any other explanation! I freaked out about it all morning, going back and forth  in my mind. I consulted the doctor but still couldn't decide exactly what had happened. My dear husband was so good and patiently watched me waver and try to figure things out for myself because he knew the very delicate emotional state I was in. (For the first time in this pregnancy, I snapped at him!) Finally, I decided we just needed to get it checked to see if the water had actually broken. I think I should have known by my own indecision that it hadn't but we already mentioned my emotions were pretty frayed at this point. We went to the hospital and spent an hour and a half hooked up to monitors to be told that it wasn't my water and we were sent home.
   Most people find this a very disappointing experience, but for me, it was a relief to know. I just needed to know one way or the other, and once I knew, I could move on with my life. After that experience, I felt I'd had quite enough drama in my life, I could do without giving birth for a few days. So this past week has been quite a stress less week, because I had very little interest in actually delivering the baby or experiencing contractions. I'd had enough drama. I'm feeling ready again to get him out, but I'm a little more patient. I'm still hoping that he doesn't hang around for two weeks before coming out. Instead, I'm counting down for the next 10 days. I figure, he may arrive anytime in those 10 days, and hopefully sooner rather than later. I think the most difficult thing about waiting for Jace to arrive is the complete uncertainty. It really could happen at any time, but no one knows when that time will be. So for now, I'm planning on it happening in 10 days (3 days to the due date, 7 days to when the doctor wants him out) and if he arrives sooner, I will be a very happy clam. :)

Almost Showtime!!

The last two days have been very mixed emotions, both exciting and nerve-wracking. For the most part of this pregnancy, I haven't really had much in the way of contractions. I had my first ones towards the middle of this trimester, and if I had any, it was one maybe once a week. That was it, very exciting, I know.
     Well, within this last week, things have begun to change. I have had contractions a few days this past week, Wednesday and Friday, and then Sunday got very exciting. I woke up with contractions Sunday night, had some Sunday morning, walking home from church triggered the most exciting set of contractions yet. I was having contractions almost all the way from the church door to our house, and they didn't stop until I sat down and rested for a bit, allowing my body to cool down too. Sunday night--perhaps triggered by laughter, I'm not sure--I had another series of contractions that required rest in order for my body to settle down. I woke up this morning with a few, and had an uncomfortable series of them mid-morning. My body has settled down now, but these contractions are definitely more and more frequent, and there are a lot more of them. According to one of my pregnancy books, this may be a sign of labor within the next week or so... although I have heard of false labor like this a few weeks before labor begins. (which my mother confirmed for me this morning) So the good news? We are getting close, very close. The bad news, no one knows how close. Hence the mixed emotions!
   This morning were the most regular ones I'd experienced, so there was a lot of anxiety in the house, wondering how close we truly were to welcoming Jace home. These contractions are making it all seem so real, so much closer to actually taking on the responsibility of being parents! Are we ready? Probably, but that doesn't mean we aren't feeling a little nervous!
   Other new developments include a lot of swelling. I knew my mother had a lot when she was pregnant, but I hadn't had any yet, so I thought I was going to be lucky. Due to either the heat, or how far along we are, my hands and feet have swollen like balloons in the past week! It took me a few days to manage to get the swelling to go down enough to get my wedding rings off my finger so they didn't get too stuck. Now I'm just wearing some fake rings that I had that were waaaay too big for me because I couldn't stand having a naked hand. Sometimes those fit me just right lately, my hands have swollen so much!
   We are so excited, we are getting close. Technically, we're at 38 weeks, so we have another two weeks before the due date, and a family history of late births, so it may be a while yet, but it looks like my body is definitely in the process of preparing for a birth. I just keep telling myself, Soon! So soon!

9 months and miserable!

   I feel like I'm having a mother-was-right moment. In the beginning of pregnancy, I sometimes expressed concern over the ordeal labor was going to be. Every time, my mother assured me, by the time I went into labor, I'd be ready to do anything to get that baby out. Oh, man was she right! Right now, labor sounds like a welcome relief. One day of pain followed by several days of healing in exchange for constant backaches, headaches, aching joints, exhaustion and ill-timed kicks? Sounds like a great exchange to me!! I can't even sit through church anymore without a lot of back aching. I am so ready to be done with this, it seems to get more painful every week. Beyond the fact that if I go into labor, I get to finally meet this little one who is going to join our family! I know having Jace here won't be a piece of cake, but right now, just having my body back makes it sound much easier to tackle a challenge like a newborn.
    Fortunately, I have a husband who is very supportive, and helps the worst of my aches go away with massages every day--twice a day usually. We are both very grateful for my mother in law who taught him what he knows in relieving pains through massage. We are also very grateful for a working swamp cooler, which is very effective in keeping our house cool while the days get hotter and hotter here in Utah. I stay inside most of the time on these hot days, because even a little exertion outside can be very exhausting and require a nap.

Definitely looking pretty close here, right?

The Good News: (perhaps I should have started here)
   We are now exactly one month away from the due date!!! And the next three weeks look promising, as I have several things to do and keep myself busy during that time. We are so excited for Jace to come, and it really is so soon! I have several friends who are due this summer, and as I see each of them give birth, I feel like it's one step closer to my turn to meet our little boy. Earlier this week, I finished our baby shopping, getting all of the remaining little items we needed to get ready for Jace's arrival. I got burping cloths, baby shampoo, and other such odds and ends. The next morning I rearranged everything in the nursury, again... :) It was fun to go through everything and make sure they were all ready. Beginning of next week, I'm going to make sure the car is set up and pack the hospital stay bag.

Some funny experiences with being pregnant:
  One day, I was laying on the bed, with my belly towards the edge of the bed. I decided to get off, so began to roll towards the edge. But, having a large belly, I couldn't get past my belly and was soon stuck. Rod glanced at me and said, "you look stuck." "I am stuck!" I exclaimed... Fortunately he helped me get up. Watch out for them big bellies!
  The other day, I was sitting on the floor, organizing things, and I stretched to reach something. This reach threw off my balance, and after righting myself again, I flopped over backwards, unable to keep my balance. This has happened more than once now.. I feel a little like one of those rolling toys that don't stand up straight... :) The other time this happened, I actually was stuck there and couldn't get up again. I felt like a turtle who had been flipped over!
  Also, my dear husband is such a trooper. Many hot nights we have the swamp cooler going and the fan going. Rod always brings an extra blanket to bed now, and the other night, I woke up to find him completely buried under the second blanket. The fan had been blowing at his head all night, so he put the blanket over his head so that he could sleep. Personally, the room's temperature felt just right to me... he's such a trooper! Although, there have been other nights were it did get cold by mid night and I began dreaming about having a leg stuck in snow because it was cold, but I was too asleep to wake up and do anything about it.
  Many of the most amusing moments come from Jace. He often spends time sticking his feet up under my ribcage, or pushing against my belly button. One of these days it'll just pop out, thanks to him pushing on it. I'm kinda hoping it does, because I've always thought it'd be pretty cool to have my belly button pop out when I was very pregnant. The other day, though, Jace, in his effort to defend his limited space, waged war against the counter top. I was washing the counters, and he was viciously kicking the countertop that I was standing too close to. Finally, he gave a mighty push against it, and I literally felt my body rock back away from the countertop and Jace succeeded in getting the room he was looking for... I have a strong son!
   I routinely shower with my husband in the mornings, but the other day I skipped it because I'd taken a bath  the night before. So while Rod was in the shower, Jace stuck his butt out, as he usually does in the shower. It made me laugh, I'm not sure if it was because he could hear the shower, or if it was routine, but it was certainly funny!
Only a month, we're so close, I am so eager to meet this baby!