The things I didn't know (or refused to realize)

The first month and a half of being a mommy has been full of revelations of what I just didn't know. Or, as I mentioned, absolutely refused to recognize or contemplate how they would affect my life. I've taken care of plenty of babies, but I've never done it as a parent... and if you're anything other than a parent, you get to hand the child off when it's too much! Some of these I heard about but refused to acknowledge. Some of these I just didn't know. Some of these I couldn't have known until I'd gone through it myself.

1. Lack of sleep! I know people tell you as you're preparing to welcome the baby into your life how exhausted you will be and how much you will have to get up at night, but this is one I just didn't make the connection to my own life. I actually refused to make that connection. At the end of pregnancy, I wanted to be human again so much, I didn't want to hear that anything would be worse after I gave birth (I slept pretty well all through my pregnancy). But I learned my lesson. Just don't plan on doing anything for the first week! At first we were waking up every two hours to feed him. Rod tried to help by waking up with him whenever he didn't need to be fed, but still, EVERY TWO HOURS! I just was not getting the sleep I was used to. I am a person who usually needs a lot of sleep.... I have learned to live without it some days, even though my body often complains. There was one night I particularly remember at first where I had been up several times in the past nights and I hadn't gotten naps in for a couple of days and I was so tired. Rod put him to sleep so I could get some extra sleep, but for that first feeding, I couldn't even drag myself out of bed, I was so tired, I was cranky and weepy. I was also dozing while nursing--not so good when that puts you at risk for dropping the baby as you drop off! Rod helped me stay awake and keep from crying by pretending to play piano on my legs-it tickled and he was so comical I could smile through the almost unbearable exhaustion. Morale of the story, take those naps! I also remember as we hit the end of the first week, he fell into a routine that was predictable. My body got used to that and began to make the most of the time between nighttime feedings, even if I was still getting up every couple of hours. Unfortunately, right as my body began to make the most of that routine, he changed the routine... There is just not enough sleep to go around that first week. And after that, you still need regular naps, I'm still taking at least a couple a week to help, although he's getting closer to sleeping through the night now.
2. How sore you are! I was sore for at least the first week. I knew people often carried a donut pillow for the first week or so, but I didn't realize just how sore you really are. I think I couldn't have known this till I went through it,  but I also just wanted to be a normal human again so badly it didn't fully connect. For the first couple of days, I was walking bow legged everywhere. After I got home, I couldn't comfortably sit on anything harder than my couch--even my bed was too hard! And standing for long enough to take a shower would make me ache so bad I'd be walking bow legged again until I could rest. Fortunately, even though that first week seems really long, the pain goes down considerably after that, so by two weeks you're doing pretty good, if you don't overdo it. Although, my body's still not completely back to normal, it reminds me of this every now and then. I am back to normal activities, but not at quite the same pace as before, yet.
3. Every trip is a production! I just plain didn't know this one. Every time you decide to walk out that door with baby in tow, it's a full scale production. You need the diaper bag, you need to put the baby in the carseat, then you need to carry the baby and carseat to the car and put them in.  You want to make sure that the car temperature isn't too extreme. And there's feeding. If you're gone for more than a few minutes, you'll need to stop at some point and get a feeding in. And if he's fussy, well, that may sidetrack your whole trip for a while. There is no such thing as a quick trip to the grocery store anymore!
4. Lots of laundry! If I'd thought about it, I probably would have realized this. But not only do you have the added laundry of baby, but you also have the extra outfits he goes through when he has a blowout, or spits up, and you have the extra outfits you go through when he does these things on you!
5. How much you love this child. There is no way to understand how much love you have for the new child until you go through it yourself. I was amazed to find within the first couple of weeks feeling like my love had doubled instantly. I love my husband as much as ever, if not more, but I have equal love for my son. I love him so much. I have times where there are guests over holding the baby and I have to restrain  myself from demanding to have him back because I love him so much and just want to hold him. I kiss his cheeks all the time, something I'm sure he won't stand for in a few months from now. I just love this baby SO MUCH!
6. How much joy he brings. There is nothing so exciting as seeing your baby look at you and smile. It never fails to put a smile on my face. There was one morning where I was feeling particularly stressed and down and when I went to get my crying baby out of the crib, he smiled at me and suddenly everything felt better. It was just such a joy to hold him and see him happy. He doesn't do much and he already brings so much joy to our family. He also has really good comedic timing, even if he can't communicate. One time we were looking at his feet and observing how he has hairy toes, which he must have gotten from his mother, and he started crying. It was so funny, and we were laughing as we reassured him that he would be ok having hairy toes. Most people wouldn't even notice!

There is a lot of truth behind the joys of a sleeping child!

What a challenge and what a blessing it is to have a child. It is so challenging, and trying and stressful sometimes. But it is so exciting and joyful at others. It is one of the best paying jobs but you don't understand how good the pay is until you start the job and stick to it for a few weeks. I love being a mom!