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| 14 weeks, and there's already a significant belly this time around! |
With this exciting news in mind, I wanted to share with you something I have learned: getting pregnant isn't easy. Even when you're both fertile and doing everything right, it still isn't easy.
In school, we spend a lot of time learning how not to get pregnant. Contraceptives, abstinence, I feel like the majority of sex education in our teenage years are spent learning about how not to conceive. Understandably, this is because we don't really want pregnant teenagers. Unfortunately, it also results in under-educated adults. Coming from the LDS culture, we also spend these years focusing on not thinking about it, let alone not doing it. So even if you got the birds and the bees talk--which unfortunately, there are those who don't--you can still go into marriage clueless. You know the basics--insert part A into part B, the technical definition-- although this easily overlooks details that are necessary for conceiving. As a woman, you understand your menstrual cycle and how that plays into fertility.
As an LDS woman, I always expected, and looked forward to, the time in my life when I got married and began having children. My family is a large family, and my parents come from large families, and most of my aunts and uncles have large families. So I always assumed that I would have no problem with fertility. I thought I was a "fertile myrtle." When I heard stories about people joking that they winked at their wife and accidentally got her pregnant, I'd smile thinking that was going to be my life story. And when I heard stories of women getting pregnant after one-night stands or rape, then I figured, it must be pretty easy. Follow the book and nine months later, baby.
So this is what I assumed when going into marriage. There were actually a lot of details that I didn't know, and therefore took us a while to figure out in order to conceive. I also undermined the importance of tracking ovulation so that you know the timing. There are more details than I originally thought necessary that go into play here.
Well, people getting pregnant the first try is actually unusual. That level of fertility(or luck) is not the norm. I cried and cried for 5 months as we tried to get pregnant with Jace. The first two, I thought I was accidentally pregnant until my period arrived, since we weren't planning on starting quite yet. The last three we were actually trying to get pregnant. After two months of trying (or was it one? I can't remember) we actually visited a doctor because we thought we were infertile. The doctor didn't tell us anything except to recommend a specialist. He didn't bother to tell us that this is completely normal.
Did you know that the chances of getting pregnant the first month are 25-30%? I had no idea. And even getting pregnant within the first three months, for two completely fertile people, is still only a 59% chance. I didn't know this the first or second time we tried. The first time it took us three months of trying and crying. The second time, we thought we had it all figured out this time, so we should get it the first or second try, no problem. Instead, it also took three months of trying, plus a few days of crying.
And ours is by far not the worst case scenario. It's even a little above the norm, but I only ever heard stories of the extremes before trying. Either you get pregnant within the first month, or there must be fertility issues, and then the long and trying road of fertility options and perhaps adoption. But the truth about getting pregnant is that those are the extreme cases, not the only options. Most people have to try a few months before getting pregnant, and they have to work to get pregnant for every child.
I feel like I need to share my normal story for others to hear, so that perhaps you'll not be so disheartened when you fail after one, two or three months. 85% of couples get pregnant after one year, not because they're doing anything wrong up to that point, but because that is what the average chances are. If you haven't had success yet, keep trying. You haven't failed if you've only tried a few times. If you haven't started trying, I hope you'll go into it with a more realistic expectation than I did. Don't be disheartened if you don't succeed right away, you are right on track.
